Fear of being controlled and fear of losing control creates a futile attempt of trying to be in control. All of this is based on fear/ego.
The need for control is an addiction. It is an addiction that most people have. The need for control is probably the biggest Sin (Self-inflicted non-sense) / Fear (False evidence appearing real) that we have as human beings. It is what stands in the way of a life of love, joy, and peace.
It is this control factor that prevents us from being able to surrender and the paradox is the only way to find that which we seek (love) is to surrender.
This is the ultimate wake up, to understand that there is nothing to find through seeking outside of ourselves. Grace is knowing we are not lost and never were. Surrender, acceptance, and forgiveness are all the same experience. It is through surrender, acceptance, and forgiveness that Grace enters our experience.
We don’t know we are love so we start seeking it outside ourselves. We fall into false belief’s that someone or something is trying to control us, or we fall into the false belief that we can control someone or something outside of ourselves.
This fear of losing control and being controlled usually begins when we are very young. It is what causes us to build up ego defenses. This fear is what disconnects us from our true nature. We forget that we are love. So, in a way we become unnatural and we start to create a pretend self, a false self. We then actually start to grieve for our true self (but we are not consciously aware of this). That is how all addiction starts. This grieving for the true self creates suffering. We bounce around in the stages of grief, anger, denial, bargaining, and depression, but we never reach the final stage of grief which is acceptance.
When we know we are the love we have been seeking can surrender to what is. We are no longer seeking love because we know we already have it, we are it. Our true nature is love.