Fear of being controlled and losing control creates a futile attempt to try to be in control. All of this is based on fear/ego.
The need for control is an addiction. It is an addiction that most people have. The need for control is probably the biggest Sin (Self-inflicted non-sense) / Fear (False evidence appearing real) that we have as human beings. It is what stands in the way of a life of love, joy, and peace.
This control factor prevents us from surrendering, and the paradox is the only way to find what we seek (love) is to let go of fear/control and surrender to love.
This is the ultimate wake-up call, to understand that there is nothing to find through seeking outside ourselves. Grace knows we are not lost and never were. Surrender, acceptance, and forgiveness are all the same experiences. Through surrender, acceptance, and forgiveness, Grace enters our experience.
We don’t know we are love, so we start seeking it outside ourselves. We fall into false belief’s that someone or something is trying to control us, or we fall into the mistaken belief that we can control someone or something outside ourselves.
This fear of losing control and being controlled usually begins when we are very young. It is what causes us to build up ego defenses. This fear is what disconnects us from our true nature. We forget that we are love. So, we become unnatural and start to create a pretend self, a false self. We then actually begin to grieve for our true selves (but we are not consciously aware of this). That is how all addiction starts. This grieving for the true self creates suffering. We bounce around in the stages of grief, anger, denial, bargaining, and depression, but we rarely reach the final stage of grief, which is acceptance. When we reach acceptance, this is what is known as Self-Actualization.
When we know we are the love we seek; we can surrender to what is. We no longer seek love because we know we already have it; we are it. Our true nature is love.